


Let In Light, Banish Shade

by soul_writerr



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: ADA Carisi, Canon Compliant, Christmas Presents, Feelings, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Professor Barba
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:06:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21698962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_writerr/pseuds/soul_writerr
Summary: He’d previously thought the idea of visiting Barba’s office at Columbia would feel eerily familiar, but when he opened the door, he was shocked by how different it actually felt. And it was the man himself who seemed almost unrecognizable.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 21
Kudos: 103
Collections: Barisi Christmas Celebration





	Let In Light, Banish Shade

**Author's Note:**

> After Sonny's story about his mother, I couldn't stop thinking about how that'd affect his reaction to what Rafael did in Undiscovered Country, so I wrote this oops
> 
> The title is from "Do They Know It's Christmas?". Enjoy!

Sonny felt his heart pounding in his chest as he knocked on the door in front of him. The door that read ‘Professor Rafael Barba’ in silver letters. He’d been here before, and changed his mind before he even knocked. But when Barba’s voice responded and told him to come in, Sonny couldn’t turn his back again.

He’d previously thought the idea of visiting Barba’s office would feel eerily familiar, but when he opened the door, he was shocked by how different it actually felt. 

Firstly because while Rafael’s office back in Manhattan had been long and rectangular, ostentatious and well furnished, his office at Columbia University was a simple square, and barely accommodated his desk, a couple chairs, and a small couch with an even smaller coffee table.

There were file cabinets all around the room, along with bookshelves. Sonny noted, with a certain amount of dismay, that his Harvard degree was nowhere to be seen. 

But truly, it was the man himself that looked the most different. He looked relaxed, leaning back on his chair in a simple light blue button-down and a loose tie. His hair was falling softly on his forehead, free of any product, a few silver strands peeking through, and there was the dark shadow of stubble across his cheeks.

This Rafael Barba looked miles away from the run-down ADA Sonny last remembered seeing, and it was a beautiful sight to behold.

“Carisi,” he said, clearly surprised. Sonny suddenly felt awkward standing in such a cramped space with his terminally long limbs. “To what do I owe the honor, Counselor?”

Sonny smiled softly at him. “You heard.”

Rafael hummed. “My leaving the DA’s office might have been traumatic for many, but I’ve still got a couple good friends.” 

“Of course you do,” he blushed, nodding. Of course he had friends. Of course he’d never considered Sonny one of them. Suddenly this trip seemed like a terrible idea.

“I’d have prefered to have heard it from you, though,” Rafael said, and there was a note of disappointment in his voice. “My phone number hasn’t changed.” 

“And neither has mine,” Sonny replied, but not unkindly. “I had to hear from Calhoun about your new job.”

Rafael nodded, sighing. “Fair enough. So, I ask again, to what do I owe the pleasure of your sudden visit?”

Sonny lifted the bag he was holding and stepped forward, placing it on Rafael’s desk. He looked at it with a raised eyebrow, then looked up at Sonny with narrowed eyes.

“I’ve had this for a while,” he started, feeling extremely vulnerable. “I wanted to bring it to you when I first heard about you teaching here, but it seemed too late. Then your birthday came and went, and I still couldn’t find the nerve. So here I am now. Merry Christmas, Barba.”

Rafael looked at the bag again. “Couldn’t find the nerve,” he repeated, looking solemn. “I had no idea our relationship had become that strained. I know what I did was--”

“I don’t blame you,” Sonny immediately interrupted, sitting down at the chair placed directly across from Rafael. “I really don’t. And we can have a whole conversation about that if you want, but just know that I understand.”

He shook his head. “I’m tired of having that conversation. I know what I did, and I don’t regret it. Do I feel guilty? Yes, most days. But I’d do it again.”

Sonny let out a slow breath. “And I understand. We can leave it at that.”

Rafael considered him for a moment. Sonny guessed that he thought he was just saying that to get in Rafael’s good graces, but it wasn’t the case. Not this time. 

Not when he could still remember the way his mother sobbed when she decided to terminate her 5th pregnancy. Not when he remembered the way baby Drew’s mother had sobbed at the sight of her son, lying still and unresponsive.

He had never judged Barba for what he did, and as long as the other man truly understood that he meant that, they would never have to bring this up again. 

After a couple beats where they did nothing but stare at each other, Rafael reached for the gift bag and undid the bow around the straps. Sonny watched, eager, as he pulled out the mug that was carefully wrapped in bubble-wrap.

When the mug emerged from its wrapping, it took a second for Barba to read it, and then he laughed. Loud, deep, carefree, and Sonny smiled at the sight. 

The mug was black, with bold, gold writing saying ‘#1 Professor’, and right below it, in a smaller font, ‘(according to his very first student)’.

“I mean, I guess you  _ were  _ my first student,” he said, setting the mug on the table with a fond expression. “And look how well you turned out.”

Sonny ducked his head, blushing slightly. “I don’t know, Barba, sometimes I just feel like a pawn being thrown across the board with no purpose.” 

“Yeah, I remember that feeling,” Rafael chuckled. “But I also remember that you’re a great lawyer. You have great instincts, and an unshakable justice gene, not to mention your natural charm. You’ll go far, Carisi.”

He was sure his face was in flames, but he looked up to shoot Rafael a lopsided grin. “From your mouth to God’s ears.”

“I don’t think God listens to me anymore,” Rafael joked, then picked up his mug again. “But thank you for the gift, Carisi. I’ll make sure to use it after a good wash.”

“He’s always listening, Barba. And I did wash the mug before I wrapped it,” he shrugged. “As I said, I’ve had it for a while. Didn’t wanna risk it being dusty.” 

Rafael peered inside the mug, then seemed to deem Sonny trustworthy, because he stood up and went to his coffee maker. “Coffee, then?” 

Sonny beamed. “I won’t say no to that. Let me tell you, now I understand why you always needed a refill, and why you had painkillers on you at all times.”

“Oh, the glory days,” he shook his head and rolled his eyes, amused. “Too bad you don’t have an eager Detective following you around like a puppy to help.”

“Hey,” Sonny suddenly perked up. “You owe me a couple ‘thank you’s, Barba. I could definitely use one of me nowadays.”

“I owe you much more than that,” Rafael said, almost under his breath, then turned to Sonny with a small smirk. “How about dinner?”

“Dinner?,” Sonny blinked.

“Yes, my treat. We can even go for Italian food,” he teased.

Sonny chuckled. “A man after my own heart.” 

Rafael’s smile grew slightly, but he didn’t say anything, he simple looked at Sonny with that glint to his eye that told him Rafael knew something he didn’t. Sonny was surprised to find he’d missed that look, and the eager boost it gave him. 

“Is this supposed to be a date?,” he found himself asking. 

“If you’d like,” Rafael said, suddenly looking serious.

Sonny stood up and went to him, stopping a couple steps before him. “I should’ve known you’d get there before me.” 

“Oh, did the mug come with a silent dinner invitation?”

“No,” Sonny rolled his eyes. “But I was hoping it’d lead me to one.” 

“Well, it did,” he shrugged, and took one step forward. “So what do you say?”

“I’d say we’ve waited too damn long for this,” Sonny replied, then took the last step that separated them and kissed him.

God, he’d wanted this for so long. Back when they’d stayed late in the DA’s office, he’d wanted it. When Sonny drove Rafael down to the precinct and back, he’d wanted it. When they’d met at Forlini’s to discuss a case, he’d wanted it. And he’d never had the nerve to close that distance.

But now here they were, Rafael’s hand in his hair, both his arms around Rafael’s waist, and it was better than he’d ever imagined it could be. 

It was with much regret that they parted, but Rafael’s smile was worth it. 

“Merry Christmas, Sonny,” he whispered, fingers slowly tracing patterns on the back of Sonny’s neck. 

“Merry Christmas, Rafael,” he replied, and smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> Christmas is so close yet so far!!! I've still got one more story tho so let me know what you think of this one!!! MWAH


End file.
